Don't Let Shame Hold You Back

Are you holding onto a secret that's sabotaging your life? The feeling of being "unworthy, unlovable, and broken" is a deeply painful experience that many of us face. This episode explores the powerful emotion of shame and a surprising source of strength: Jesus Christ. Jesus faced profound public shame and from his story we can learn about overcoming the lies we tell ourselves. Discover how to "scorn the shame" and claim your true identity, pushing back against the voices that threaten your worth.

Cover photo by Thom Holmes on unsplash.com

Transcript

I listened as his whispered words spilled a secret that had sabotaged his work. “Dad said I would never amount to anything,” he said. I knew deep within lurked the twisted belief of unworthiness implanted long ago.

Shame is real for many today. The traumas of the past have left a scar of conviction that whispers, “Unworthy, unlovable, and broken.” Efforts to silence the whisper may bring dysfunctional turns toward perfectionism, addiction, or conflicts with others. Dr. Brené Brown writes, “Shame is the fear of disconnection—it’s the fear that something we’ve done or failed to do, an ideal that we’ve not lived up to, or a goal that we’ve not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection. ‘I’m unlovable. I don’t belong.’”[1]

I’m LP the host of TFJ a network dedicated to your well-being. All of us know what it feels like to be ashamed of something we’ve done. The effect on our well-being might last for a long time. Let’s explore the shame of a person who might surprise you: Jesus Christ.

It may be a surprise to learn that early Christians imagined Jesus Christ experienced the depths of public shame. The New Testament book of Hebrews 12:2 places the experience at the horrific end of his life, “He endured the cross, scorning its shame.” We can imagine that Jesus struggled with emotions of failure, unworthiness and defeat as he hung naked near the road. Condemned as a criminal, he heard the ridicule of those who passed by to ask of himself, “Am I worthless?” 

I think it wasn’t the first time Jesus struggled with his worth in that broken and oppressed society. He faced this when his family didn’t understand him. He may have felt it when his cousin was brutally murdered by a ruler. He wondered what was wrong with himself when all of his disciples rejected and betrayed him. The ultimate shame was this execution on the cross, a heretic to his faith and the clear sign of abandonment by God. The crowds considered his life worthless and wasted. Jesus faced the shame that others heaped on him. The Gospel of Matthew places Psalm 22 on his lips, which begins with the struggle of shame in the words, “Why have you abandoned me?”

Shame is emotionally painful because we value our standing in the community. Our self-image is profoundly influenced by what we think others are thinking of us. A child feels shame when mother rebukes fighting with a sibling. A teenager feels profound embarrassment when his slight physique is labeled as wimpy. These experiences can become internalized, turning to self-criticism, social withdrawal, or debasing conduct. Shame is a toxic experience.

What can we do to cope with it?  

The writer of Hebrews believed Jesus found a source to resist the outcome that shame could produce. He wrote that Jesus “scorned the shame.” To me, this indicates he erected a mental boundary, a line of defense between the degradations from the crowd around the execution site, a bleak hill named Golgotha. He had begun to recite the Psalm that talked of estrangement from God, but he must have held fast to the final words of that Psalm which say, “God has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one… but has listened to his cry for help!”  Even on that cross, with his final breaths, Jesus claimed the love of Abba God with bestowed ultimate worth, to endure the shame and complete the mission of redemption. “Into your hands I commit my spirit,” was his final prayer of worthiness.[2]

In the same way, when we accept the grace, love and presence of God, the whispers of Shame can be quieted. This freedom of acceptance for who we are, with no condemnation, with humility, and with kindness, lays a foundation for resilience. The Scriptures have a greater message of worth in the assertion, “We are God’s Masterpiece!”[3]

With this profound understanding, we can push back against the voices within and without that threaten us. This is not an easy process. Abusers, bullies, supervisors, social media trolls, and others don’t hesitate to bring the message of unworthiness. Yet our strength can overcome the falsehoods to claim our true identity with God.  Unashamed, we can, like Jesus, reject the lies, “scorning” the outward voices and whispers of our own mind to face the world with the conviction of value and dignity. 

We are Worthy!  

[1] Brené Brown, Atlas of the Heart. Random House, 2021.
[2] Luke 23:46
[3] Ephesians 2:10 New Living Translation