Reframing Ideas for More Success

Reframing our thoughts about the events of life is a superpower each can learn. We are not trapped in patterns of thought that hinder our well-being. It’s possible to discover options and alternatives no matter what experiences we have. By changing our vocabulary, examining the evidence, and questioning our assumptions we can reframe the ideas toward more successful and constructive outcomes.

Segments include:

Interpreting what we sense 1:51

Reframing thought patterns for better options 4:50

God provides possibilities to consider 6:50

Three skills to Reframe for Success 8:00

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Chapters

• 2:25 Interpreting what we sense
• 5:24 Reframing thought patterns for better options
• 7:24 God provides possibilities to consider
• 8:34 Three skills to Reframe for Success

Transcript

My six-year-old granddaughter and her three-year-old brother love to ride their bikes. I watched them enjoy the adventure as they raced along the sidewalk. Of course, being the winner was the goal and the three-year-old didn’t stand a chance against his older and bigger sister. He hung his head and slumped his shoulders in a complete body reaction of defeat and disappointment. Then I said, “Radler, you won the three-year-old race!” His head popped up and his shoulders straightened. I knew there were no other three-year-olds around but hoped the idea would give him a new frame of reference. The siblings rode off again and the physical outcome was the same: big sister won. But the little guy wheeled up close to me, proudly rang the bell on his handlebars, and announced with a smile, “I won the three-year-old race!”

My grandson discovered a superpower possessed by each of us. It’s the power to reframe our experience to gain a transformative perspective. Stay with me as I explore how this can become a reality that changes how you think about life.

When any event happens our brain receives information via the electrical signals that flow through our nerves at about 110 miles per hour. From this data the mind uses past experiences and conceptual formulations to interpret the data. From this interpretation comes a choice of behaviors to survive or thrive. This entire process takes just nanoseconds, to be repeated constantly every moment of our life.

In a simplistic example, when a bowl of ice cream is on the table in front of you, all the senses fire their signals to see, smell, and hear the environment. Your mind instantly recalls thousands of past experiences and formulations, ranging from the taste of chocolate to the last lick of a cone with your partner. Interpretations are made, “I love chocolate,” or “how fast will this melt,” or “can I refuse to eat it and still be friends?” Then a choice of behavior emerges that you hope will be the best in that moment.

Interpreting the data is the key moment when a framework comes into play. If your mind is struggling with irrational, paranoid ideas you may believe a spy at the restaurant is trying to poison you. If your mind is interested in dating someone special, you may interpret the offer of sharing a milkshake with that attractive guy as arousing. Interpreting, calculating, predicting, assessing, speculating—these are the mental gyrations that happen every second of life.[1]

However, most of our mental interpretations are filled with unexamined beliefs that impact our emotions, moods, and behaviors. We might get negative feedback from a supervisor and interpret that as being a failure on the road to being fired. We might hurt our lower back moving furniture and interpret this as getting old and feeble. We might watch a video of a cousin enjoying a beach vacation and feel shame that we never lived up to Dad’s expectations. These negative beliefs can sabotage our emotions and our everyday actions.

What can we do to change our thought patterns? Psychologists use the term “reframing” to describe when we seek a new perspective. The skill involves changing the way an event or situation is viewed and described to oneself. Just as every story has more than one side, so every experience can be considered from multiple angles.

Reframing involves highlighting positive aspects or alternative interpretations that were previously overlooked. This doesn’t mean ignoring problems or sugarcoating concerns. It is not denying the hard events of life in a Pollyanna fantasy. Grief, pain, disappointment, confusion are a part of life—but not all of it.

Consider the negative feedback Alexis received from her supervisor. She went back to her cubicle fuming and fearful. She needed this job. She wondered if the boss really wanted her out to hire a younger person. Alexia decided to take a break and get a cup of coffee. As she relaxed, she considered an alternative: the supervisor wants to improve the department and he is inviting me to be a part of that. She could take the opportunity to enlist a mentor and improve what he wanted. Heading back to work, Alexis thought, “I wish I had received a better report but now I have a green light to make an impression on the entire department.” Her mood soared.

I believe God can be a part of this reframing. Process theology holds that God presents conceptual possibilities in every moment of experience that move toward the best outcomes. This divine work is not-coercive, inviting collaboration and agency, luring us toward the constructive choices that bring well-being. In the Gospels, Jesus extended an invitation to make a choice about joining his little band of revolutionaries. A similar action takes place for us as we interpret the experiences of life. Theologian Bruce Epperly writes, “God’s creative wisdom provides each occasion with the direction necessary for its creative process and the energy to aim at the highest good for itself and others.”[2]  

One way to develop the skill of reframing is changing our vocabulary. Words matter in reframing. Consider the “options,” not the “closed door.” Contemplate the “release,” not the "lost dream.” Find the power in speaking of “someone new,” rather than “lonely and ghosted.” 

Another approach is to weigh the evidence about the negative thought. If I feel fat, does my doctor agree based on the clinical data? If I’m unhappy, how would a person living in a refugee camp feel about my life? Sometimes our negative thought patterns trap us in a prison of intense feelings that block the facts we need to understand. Weighing the evidence can free us to gain a new perspective that is more realistic.

Another skill is simply asking yourself, “how do I know this thought is true?” How do I know my best friend is angry just because she didn’t text me? How do I know the diagnosis will bring an end to hopes for a vacation this year? The reality is that we can’t read another person's mind, nor can we know what the future holds. Asking hard questions is a powerful tool for getting to the heart of the event and making the best choice.

There is much to be gained by learning how to move beyond the negative and self-defeating thoughts which come. Negative emotions will be reduced as we see a way forward. Energy can be released to solve problems. Confidence in our capacity to cope with future challenges grows. Reframing puts us on the path to thriving, not just surviving the events that happen every day.  

My grandson will not always win his races. But learning to reframe with more realistic, rational, and constructive thoughts will give him a superpower throughout life. As adults, learning the skill of reframing moves us forward in well-being. I hope you can find some new perspectives on your challenges today.

[1] D. Ledley, B. Marx, R Heimberg, Making Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Work. Guilford Press, 2005. P 154
[2] Bruce G. Epperly, Process Theology: A guide for the perplexed. T&T Clark, 2011. P 29